


from a garden of tarnished silver

by nightdaze



Series: halfway between today and yesterday [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia, Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Angst, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort-ish, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, potentially the beginning of a very strange friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:54:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23183599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightdaze/pseuds/nightdaze
Summary: Berkut meets his future self and doesn't take it well. Faye decides she can't just leave him in the state she finds him in.
Relationships: Efi | Faye & Silque, Faye & Berkut, background Berkut/Rinea
Series: halfway between today and yesterday [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054334
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	from a garden of tarnished silver

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write about faye and i wanted to write about berkut so i decided, okay, why not have them interact with each other?
> 
> i'm thinking of continuing this... continuity, lol. fe heroes opens up so many character interaction possibilities. if you like, you can read the faye/silque stuff here as shippy. no reason faye can't be into two people.
> 
> 3/20/2020: can't resist making edits after publishing. minor stuff, doesn't change the whole of the story at all

Berkut stares into the face of a devil.

Distorted, hateful, despairing.

It is his own face.

The devil opens his mouth and tells truths Berkut does not want to believe.  
  
But no one will refute what that devil says.  
  
Alm can’t look that devil in the eye even as it screams for him to.  
  
And Berkut knows he’s not imagining the fiery phantom that hovers at the devil’s side.  
  
_What did you do?_ he asks that devil.  
  
_I would never,_ he tells himself.  
  
_What have I done?_ he asks himself.  
  


* * *

  
There is no future.  
  
There is no Rinea.  
  
There is nothing.  
  
He is nothing.

Fight for nothing. Kill for nothing.

Killed her for nothing.  
  
That lance is named Kriemhild.  
  
He had always thought it would be a beautiful name for a baby girl.  
  


* * *

  
Faye doesn’t much like Berkut, for reasons she considers understandable. But seeing Alm’s face as Berkut fled from his other self, she knows she has to go find him. No matter her own feelings, Berkut is, after all, Alm’s family.  
  
She’ll never be a part of Alm’s family, but she’s made her peace with that. It’s enough to spend time with him, and help him where she can.  
  
She’ll find out where Berkut went, tell Alm, and then her job will be done.  
  
This is her plan until she actually stumbles across him, curled up in a shadowy corner in a faraway part of the castle with a bloody chunk of hair in his hand.

Oh, Mother Mila.

Faye gasps.  
  
"S-Stay right there, I’m gonna go get Silque!”

“Don’t!” Berkut commands, and she nearly trips over herself as she stops in her tracks. “Don’t,” he repeats, softly.

Wearily.  
  
He doesn’t look up at her as he says it.

She’s afraid he’ll spook and go hide somewhere else if she goes to get Silque anyway, so she remains planted in place, struggling to reconcile this Berkut with the one she’d encountered back home.  
  
She imagines he’s struggling to reconcile himself with the… other Berkut. The one Alm had to kill.

Berkut says nothing. He does nothing, either, which she decides is preferable to him doing anything else that’ll result in bleeding.

She doesn’t know what to do. She just knows that she needs to do something.

Alm’s cousin is kind of the opposite of a great guy, but if nothing else… he really doesn’t like what the future him did.  
  
…Though what he did truly was horrific. She can’t imagine a situation where she’d kill Alm. Sacrifice him to a creepy god for her own gain, no less.

Then again, it was pretty obvious Berkut could hardly believe he’d ever end up killing the woman he loved…  
  
Faye steels her nerves. Bad guy, repentant guy, it really doesn’t matter. Leaving anyone in a state like this would make her sick with herself.  
  
”That guy isn’t you. I mean, not yet.” The words hang in air, unacknowledged. From a different point of view, unchallenged. She continues. ”If you know already what’s going to happen, you can stop yourself.”  
  
“I can, can I.” Berkut says flatly. "It's that damnably simple." His face is the kind that always looks angry or stern; she can't tell if he's angry or not.

"Yeah, I think it is.”

“On what basis have you _faith_ in me?” Berkut asks, and now he’s all but spitting his words. “You are one of _Alm’s_ little friends. I am your _enemy._ ”

"You’re Alm’s family,” Faye says simply.

“...Apparently,” Berkut replies, suddenly defeated, but certainly bitter.

”I don’t think anybody who’s related to Alm could be a totally bad person.”  
  
”Your thinking makes little sense.”  
  
”And I also think that if you were a real evil person, you wouldn’t be feeling so terrible.”  
  
”You do not know the first thing about me, you _stupid peasant,"_ Berkut barks out, quick as a reflex.  
  
Faye has never been ashamed of her commoner background, her ordinary nature, but the contempt those words carry strike like a physical blow. _  
_  
It is right as the sting really sets in that she recalls something that Silque told her once: it’s not an entirely uncommon occurrence for someone to come to her in need of healing while showing her no gratitude.  
  
_People in pain are not always rational,_ Silque had once explained. _In fact, I think they’re irrational more often than not. It’s difficult for us to concern ourselves with others’ well-being when we’re focused on our own hurt, and we even find respite from our pain by trying to make someone else hurt the way we are._ _  
_

_You’re not like that,_ Faye had said.  
  
_I try not to be,_ Silque had answered, laughing. _But it’s a universal human experience._  
  
_How can you stand to deal with those patients? The ones that are so rude and don’t even thank you?_ _  
__  
__I’ll confess_ , _It’s difficult, sometimes… but my services as a healer are not reserved for only those I may deem deserving of them._ _  
__  
_ Silque had smiled when she said it, and Faye had never forgotten it. She had thought then that Silque was like Alm: an exceptional person who would offer their hand to anyone who needed it.

Faye doesn’t think she’s got the compassion or patience that they possess, but she sure can try to follow their example. That's the least she can do if she's going to call herself their friends.  
  
So no, she's not done here.  
  
Not just yet.  
  
Misery loves company, therefore Berkut is lashing out with blunted fangs and Faye just happens to be the closest thing nearby.  
  
It's not fair, but she won't break just because a wounded man is doing what wounded people often do, what Silque has dealt with so many times with such grace and strength.  
  
”You won’t scare me off by being a jerk, and I don’t think you like yourself enough right now to actually think you’re better than me,” she tells him plainly, the hurt in her face largely gone.  
  
And she realizes as she says this that Berkut's buried his face in his knees again. She can see where he tore out that clump of hair.

She hears him exhale a shaky breath.  
  
”I am a wretch," he says, and Faye is nearly bowled over by the sudden change in attitude.

Unless this is how he was feeling all along. People lash out as a way of protecting themselves. If you push everyone away, they won't see your vulnerability.  
  
Faye always thought it must be awfully sad to live like that.  
  
Berkut continues, and his voice is soft and slow in a way that unsettles her. "I murdered the woman I loved and sold my soul to a mad god. I betrayed _everything…_ everything I believed about myself… and I betrayed _her._ My life is a lie. I am nothing, and I killed her.”  
  
He raises his head. His eyes meet hers. They are dark -- a void.  
  
"You tell me I am not that man, that his sins are not mine, that you have _faith_ in me. Do you dangle these scraps of undeserved kindness in front of me as a punishment for my sins? Or are you so naive that you truly believe what you say?”  
  
"Punishment?" she echoes, sincerely horrified. "I really believe it, because it's true--"

” _Condemn me!_ ” he shouts, the words torn violently from his throat, and the sheer desperation in his voice shakes her to her core. “Tell me to throw myself upon a pyre! Tell me to let the blood from my veins until I am drained and _dead!_ ”  
  
He bunches his fists in his hair again like he wants to rend himself asunder and Faye can’t stand by and watch him do it. She snatches his wrists and holds them still.  
  
” _You_ didn’t kill her!” Faye says, both insistent and pleading. “She’s waiting for you back home, isn’t she?!”  
  
”I am _capable_ of killing her!” he says. He’s digging his fingers into his scalp.  
  
”In another world! Where things are _different!_ " Faye shouts. "You found out _everything_ that the other Berkut did, but _you_ don't want to give up your soul to Duma! _You_ don't want to kill Rinea!"  
  
Berkut stills.  
  
Faye is breathing hard. Her grip on Berkut is too tight. She hadn’t meant to yell at him.  
  
"What if..." He begins his question and his words come right to a halt. A beat or two passes, and he tries again. "What if... that weakness my other self possesses... is also present in me?"  
  
He averts his eyes from Faye. The vulnerability in his face, in the whole of his bearing, hardly matches his noble pedigree. The gap between their standings seems as if it's disappeared, if only for this moment.  
  
He's revealing this insecurity of his by his own volition, and he wants to hear _her_ answer.  
  
Faye closes her eyes and wills herself calm. If you want to give good advice, you need to be in the right state of mind.  
  
"...If you really, _really_ think you'll hurt her... then you should leave her. Because if you love somebody, you have to do what's best for them. Even if it means you can't be by their side. But I'm pretty sure you're not thinking straight right now. You shouldn't make that decision today. In a few days, or... no, weeks, maybe. Honestly... I bet the more you see of the other Berkut, the easier it'll be to see where you're different from him."  
  
Berkut nods just a little and murmurs an acknowledgement.

"People can change," Faye continues. "It can be for the worse... but it can be for the better. If there's anything you can do while you're still here, it's try and be better than that other you. Turn yourself into a person who would never, ever do what he did. For Rinea's sake. And if you really love her, you can do it."

"I love her," Berkut says, with reverence and quiet anguish. "I truly love her. More than anything in the world."  
  
"Then you'll be able to change. I believe in you," Faye says, and she smiles.  
  
Slowly, Berkut uncurls his fingers from his hair. Faye lets go of him, and his arms settle at his sides.

"Is it okay if I get Silque now?" Faye asks. "She'll keep all this between us."

“...Yes."  
  
Faye nods, and hurries off to retrieve Silque.  
  
Berkut leans his head against the wall and closes his eyes.  
  
When he opens them again, he discovers that he'd fallen asleep. The commoner girl and her healer friend are sitting nearby, speaking in hushed tones, and his head is no longer bleeding. Were they keeping an eye on him?  
  
The blue-haired woman must be Silque. The brunette girl… he doesn’t know her name. He will have to find out.  
  
...He'll change.  
  
For Rinea, he will change.


End file.
